Cahc 2009

Archive for July, 2009

The best time to help your parents decide about housing issues is before housing becomes an issue. If you’ve already talked with them about what they plan to do if the time comes that they can’t remain in their home, give yourself a big pat on the back. You’re ahead of the game, just by having prompted Mom and Dad to start thinking about their options. Many people  postpone talking with their parents about housing options because such discussion has the potential to be unpleasant. It goes back to the changing parent-child relationship that we discussed earlier. All of a sudden, you’re in a position where you feel you need to help your parents make decisions, instead of them helping you. What you should realize, however, is that many people—older or not—welcome advice and help from family members. Sure, we all want to be in charge of our decisions, but sometimes a little guidance from someone you trust is a great help.

Maybe Mom and Dad have each been worrying about where they’ll live when they can no longer keep up the big family home they’ve lived in for 35 years, but haven’t even discussed it with each other. Mom might not want Dad to know how worried she gets when he climbs unsteadily onto a ladder to clean the windows. She’s afraid he’ll think that she doubts his ability to keep up with the work. Dad might think it will be too upsetting to Mom to have to talk about moving from the home she loves. Out of what they each perceive as consideration for the other, or, because they simply don’t know how to start the conversation, they don’t talk about it at all. Having you initiate and open the discussion for them might be exactly what they need to start planning for the future.